TN

[coolerbythelake]

My parents hint that they want me to move to Tennessee sometimes. They do so half-jokingly, but they are still laying some subtle guilt trips. My brother has lived near them for a long time, but he'll be moving to Dallas in the Spring. So, when they go on trips, they won't have him around to take care of their lawn or check on things around the house.

It seems like every month or so there is another crazy bill coming out of the Tennessee state government, though. The state legislature overturned a Nashville city ordinance that required companies that do business with the city to not discriminate against LGBT people. They are still pushing the "Don't say gay," bill. A Chattanooga state legislator put up a bill that would make it illegal for transgendered people to enter the bathroom of their choosing (I don't think it has a co-sponsor in the state Senate, though, so that bill is likely to go nowhere).

On the sidelines, there are other issues, too. The guys who were behind the Obama Waffles were from Franklin, TN, the sister city of where my parents live. Sarah Palin visited all of *three* places on her most recent book tour, and one of them was my parents' CostCo. And now there's this: The Tennessee Tea Party is petitioning the state government to change history textbooks so that, “No portrayal of minority experience in the history which actually occurred shall obscure the experience or contributions of the Founding Fathers, or the majority of citizens, including those who reached positions of leadership.”

The Scopes Monkey Trial took place in Tennessee less than 100 years ago. That's only three generations removed. We are only one generation removed from the Civil Rights movement. I think about those things sometimes. How racism has seemed to linger and mutate in parts of the South. Literacy tests just seem to have turned into more palateable Voter ID laws, but both keep minorities and the poor away from the ballot box.

If they want to go that way, they have the right to (the racist has the freedom to be a racist, right?), but it is sad and I want nothing to do with it. I feel really happy walking around the city of Chicago, knowing that I'm gay and that I can just be myself.

Yes, Chicago and the North have our own issues of race and class but at least I don't feel like homophobia and racism has such a stranglehold on the populace up here.

I can't really share those kinds of things with my parents, though. At least I don't feel like I can share those issues with them at this time. I'm not sure they would understand, or they would say I am over-reacting and that most people aren't really like that. Anti-gay rhetoric doesn't seem to be lightening up down there, though, and I like where I am well enough up here. I think they will have to deal with me being several hours away for a good while.

Comments

[drivebyluna.livejournal.com]

These are all fair reasons to stay far, far away from the south.

[youwhowereborn.livejournal.com]

As you know I'm working through this issue myself... about what is realistic or meaningful about moving home, or closer to home, or closer to family. I don't mention it as much, but a few times over the years, I have thought about just moving to Ottawa where my father is, just for the sake of being nearer to SOME family and making it more possible/realistic to build a better relationship with them. I've mentioned it but they never respond to it seriously. They also ignored when I asked, or offered, to housesit... but instead they got an artist friend of theirs, who also stayed for MONTHS after they got home... so it's almost like they unconsciously picked up on my request and fulfilled it, in a screwy pathological way!!!

I think you have the same trouble as me, which is mingling or confusing your family concerns with your other concerns, although I think we have almost the opposite situation--you get along with them but don't want to go back; I don't get along with mine but maybe DO want to go back.

On one level, I think it's kind of sad that your first reaction is to characterize your home state by the identity politics stuff... I feel like so much of that ends up being a generalization on people and communities that are not all the same. On another level I can see it's totally reasonable, because those things CAN be ingrained and WILL affect your future relationships and comfort level, as much as anything else. I don't know if you remember but I had a dalliance with a very left-wing dude who lived and worked in Nashville and now he's in some smaller city in TN. Despite his staunch politics and constant doom and gloom about world issues, I rarely ever hear him complain about the people or culture of TN in particular. Nashville in particular sounds pretty decent for all kinds of people. Randomly I remember Ben Folds saying he liked living there.

But more importantly than how it is down there is the fact that it doesn't seem like it interests you at all personally, except for the fact that you care about family and they are there. Obviously you just need to assess yourself and your life honestly and see what gains and losses would come from relocating. Maybe the hints are meant to make you reconsider Chicago, not to go to TN necessarily but to go somewhere that you want to be even more than Chicago. Or to make you deepen your connection to Chicago.

I am exploring a bunch of ideas and feelings, not only the feeling I have unfinished business with my "homeland"--that I owe my birthplace something of myself, economically, environmentally, socially, energetically, spiritually--but that the simple fact of making ANY effort to engage actively with family, instead of trying to avoid or withhold from them, has deeper effects and results for all of us, that it's part of the whole purpose of being human...

[youwhowereborn.livejournal.com]

To add a little more... when I think of my hometown, I think of a place where it felt hard to make my way as the artist or free spirit that I wanted to be, or if not hard then boring and restrictive, so I intuitively made plans to leave and had no sense of when or how I'd be back. You feel like living in TN it will be hard to be comfortably progressive, openly gay, etc. But when you think of the place--there are gay kids with progressive leanings EVERYWHERE and they shouldn't have to wait until they're old enough to leave in order to have a space, or an understanding person in their lives. You could be a huge help to them now. IF AND ONLY IF that feels like something you'd enjoy or be good at. If it doesn't, that's totally OK.

Like I think of the creative people around Kamloops who made it possible to explore certain interests and activities--I would have been SO MUCH worse off if they had all said "fuck this sketchy backwater town, let's go to Vancouver." And I don't know if I have it in me to be really involved in a community, but one of my most important friends was a thirtysomething in the next town over, with no official credentials, barely even a job (his wife was the main breadwinner), who just gave me and other teens his friendship, free time, and access to his music and zines and knowledge and resources... he was like a guardian angel for us. I'm still on the path he helped me find.

Now that I also have a spiritual view on things, I feel like if you take a step in the direction of whatever feels right, certain things will fall into place to help support you on your journey... so whatever your heart's true desire, it will not be overlooked... certain people and things will always come into your path to help guide you. ALWAYS!

[themiddlestates.livejournal.com]

I would have been SO MUCH worse off if they had all said "fuck this sketchy backwater town, let's go to Vancouver."

Yeah, I think about things like this, too. There is a line in a Bob Dylan song that I think about a lot of times. Like a lot of times. It goes something like, "You don't have to go to Russia or Iran, just surrender to God and you'll be moved wherever you stand." I just take it to mean that there may be times to move (and there can be good in helping people wherever they need help), but you can also be transformed wherever you are. I get stuck in a "Grass is greener on the other side," kind of thing a lot, and sometimes staying still can be a good way of confronting whatever is chasing me to this "greener grass."

To Nashville's credit, there are some cool parts of Nashville. There are some spots that are a refuge from the parts that I've highlighted. Students and other people protested the "Don't Say Gay" bill. There is a die-hard Occupy Nashville group.

And even as I was writing my post, lingering back in my head were some things about, "I know this isn't all of it. I know I could still deal with life down there." As you mentioned, though, I don't feel a particular urge to go down to TN. If anything, I feel a desire to move to Rogers Park somehow. I've gotten a little involved with Occupy Rogers Park (the northern-most neighborhood in the eastern part of the city), and there are some good people in that group. But I think my job and condo are going to keep me where I am for a while, anyway.

For some reason I feel the need to mention that I've randomly stopped biting my fingernails. As if that is testament to greater peace of mind. : )

I should probably hit the sack now though. Thanks for your thoughtful comments, MMC. I hope we can both find our proper relationships with our parental units in both of our respective homes and native lands. : )

[didotwite]

"when you think of the place--there are gay kids with progressive leanings EVERYWHERE and they shouldn't have to wait until they're old enough to leave in order to have a space, or an understanding person in their lives. "

i touched on this a little. i feel like conservative communities are swinging the pendulum so far the other way that you'd have to be a real activist to move back as the savior of the young'uns.

[themiddlestates.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm concerned that this election is really legitimizing Santorum. I mean, it's legitimizing the outlook of people like Rick* Santorum. :) He is giving a big voice to hatred of gays and minorities. (I won't say homophobia because I don't think he's afraid of gay people, I think he just hates gay people.)

*Wow, I just looked up his name, and his full given name is, "Richard John Santorum." So, it's like his name is "Dick Dick Frothy Anal Lube Mixture."

[didotwite]

hasn't ben folds been married four times, to women?

[didotwite]

that blows so, so much. i think about you every so often in this context. really well-written post, too.

there's nothing more crushing than WE HATES YOU ALL oh but not you, just people "like" you. ???? and then, your fam, loving you but seeming to be cool with it so not really supporting you :/ GAH

yargh. it's depressing as poop too that you can't LIVE like that and change people's minds, the it gets better campaign definitely shows that majority right-wing religion damages minorities far more than they can hope to ever overcome. "legions" and "armies" of young believers brainwashed who perpetuate and expand bigotry (e.g. climate change is the new evolution for school textbooks), and all the rest can do is flee to survive.

[didotwite]

p.s. tennessee's beautiful. but *i* felt awkward there, and then i went to mississippi, oh boy.

[nishar.livejournal.com]

I think you are better off in Chicago. It wouldn't shock me if they try and make it ok to fire gay men and women for being gay in the South.